How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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