Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
