just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
