I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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