i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
