Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
