I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I puked a lego.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
