we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
