super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
