He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
