When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
