i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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