its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
