It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
