What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Terrible idea I love it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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