Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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