Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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