i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
