Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
