I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
