i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize