I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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