My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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