Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
