Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
