You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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