can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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