i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
