Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
