her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
