When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My vagina just recognized that song.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
