Do you still have your period?
i was born a porn star she said
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
