I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
