omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My balls are so social today.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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