Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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