so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
