Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
