Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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