I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he puts the penis in happiness.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
