She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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