My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
