so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
