His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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