Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
