What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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