the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
