Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
