i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
