I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
