nut hugger
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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