man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
