and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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