So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
