the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
