things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
