I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
