My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
