I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
