Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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