The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
