I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
