i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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