Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
