craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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