I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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