We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
