I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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