we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
