They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize