Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
