Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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