Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize