we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize