we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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