I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My first STD was from a foam party
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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