Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
