The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
