the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
