There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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