Will you blow on my dice?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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