But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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