the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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