help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize